Friday, July 29, 2005

Friday = Fantastic

Just to get this off my chest real quick:

Angels v Yankees tonight - Dear Angels, I know you dropped 4 straight(3 to the Blue Jays...THE BLUE JAYS!!!) but I am going to see you tonight - don't fuck up! Your Fan, DFresh

Now that I got that out of my system some quick thoughts..

Wouldn't it be sweet if all animals migrated south? I want to see a giant V shaped swarm of bears hauling ass down the median of a highway.

What ever happened to good cartoons? All the ones on TV nowadays seem to be an easy way to diagnose if your kid has epilepsy. I want the good ones like Thundercats and the questionably Homoerotic ones like He-man, yeah hes got a secret he doesnt want his dad to know alright.

Porpoises or Dolphins? One is fun to say, one is cool, how do you pick?

Speaking of marine mammalia, who the hell made march of the penguins? I want a movie on lion hunting or some cool animal. Instead I have to stay up late at night with the fate of society resting on whether or not The Duckbill Platypus will be immortalized on film - I got my finger on the trigger baby..

I saw a kid on tv today who is blind and plays video games and wins, why doesnt someone just unplug his controller?

Enjoy your Friday ladies and gents and I hope you all have a wonderful weekend. My new camera arrives Monday. Once I get used to its functionality and all that I will start a photoblog - the first set of pics will probably be from my trip to the Aquarium with my nephew after next weekend. NICE!

Thursday, July 28, 2005

Heres a penny, buy yourself a life

Being that I write this at work, a lot of these posts are work influenced. Do you guys find it weird that the people you spend the majority of your week with, we will say 35-50 hours, don't actually know who you are at all?

I assume most of you dont spend an additional 35-50 hours with friends. This is both depressing and interesting. We spend all this time at work with all these people. Some of us make good friends at work, but in the case of someone like me, a 24 yr old surrounded by people more likely to get arthritis before going to the bar, I don't make friends here. These people have no clue about me at all. They think I am this perfectly nice young kid, but if they saw the two tattoos on my legs their opinions would suddenly shift and thats fucked up.

How is it we can spend so much time with people at work and never be allowed to truly be ourselves? And I dont just mean garbage like wearing what you want, but how many times have you wanted to make some snide sarcastic comment to a boss but alas you cannot. Again, I dont mean AT your boss just to be funny or something but its too awkward. Its amazing that we are forced to sacrifice identity for the very thing most people use to purchase one, money.

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

Obey Everyone Else's Thirst You Ass


That voice on the other end...

As I have mentioned previously, I work for a rather large company. Because of this, I hardly see all the people with whom I have contact(mostly of the electronic variety). This is because of international offices as well as just those based in other locations. One manager has been having a lot of issues with her attendance records matching up with ours. This has caused me to have much interaction with her as of late - today the second time we spoke on the phone.

Now, this is not a big deal, but suddenly that text has a voice, still sans face. However, in the work environment everyone writes in this hoity toity manner that reflects an amount of professionalism. The phone for some reason unleashes the inner comedian in people. A simple conversation ended up containing the following two exchanges:

Her: "Yeah I specifically remember having a phone conversation with my mom where I said, "Now I know why people end up dead from this disease" - in regards to sick days taken in 2004.

Me: "OH haha(not at all fake laughter who do u take me...yeah it was fake)"

Her: "As far the remaining carry over days for this year, I likely won't need them, unless of course I am hit by a bus"

Me: "...ok"

Weird..I guess cause shes a coworker I expected some sort of dull exchange and before I knew it I had one 4 min conversation involving elderly deaths and a bus accident - fuckin weird

Laughing at the Po-Po

How does anyone take the british police seriously in those ridiculous Bobby caps?

I mean think about our police. They got that cap that shadows their face and makes them look quasi badass - at least as badass as you can in a peaked cap. The peaked cap however is easily better than a bobby. The only people who might have it worse you ask? The proud gentlemen over at the Rhode Island State Police. What you dont see in this picture is their boots which may make even the biggest of Napoleon Dynamite impersonators jealous. I mean I am sorry if some guy walks up to my car in brown uber polished hooker boots and tries to scorn me for speeding I might have a VERY hard time taking him seriously.

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

Old Faithful

Not to be crude - but have you ever unexpectedly farted in your cubicle thus forcing you to hope and pray nobody comes in for a good 10-15 mins? And by "you" I mean you this by no means happened to me

Enough is Enough, Jugs!

Ok Jug, nice name to start, when are you and your stupid wife going to give up?

I mean honestly, at what point do parents stop with the BS laced hope and move on with their lives. I mean I am sure these guys they detained for countless days stymied what could have been a more thorough investigation. In all honesty, I don't really care. The girl is dead, lets move on. Let aruba return to a cool place to visit.

PS - Maybe you should have taught your slut daughter to not go onto a beach drunk as shit with 3 men she doesnt know. What kinda crazy tag-team did she/they have planned?

Monday, July 25, 2005

Aww yeah

So remember that Hummer that I wasnt actually going to buy... Well now I can get a cool product to go with it. Who wants to look fake cool with me?


Who wants to get down? I dont know which product to spend my life savings on first - decisions decisions.

Ah technology

So I noticed on Friday that my computer decided once again to eat shit. Every summer something goes wrong and I end up with what I called a 'Glorified Paperweight'. This GPW is starting to piss me off. I am on GPW v3.0 now and dont understand why something craps out every summer. This time I seem to have no more CD-ROM drives (which means no DVD+R or CDR ...not cool).

In other news:

A newly opened restaurant called Car Crash has had to close down - after a car crashed into the building. -I love how funny the world can be sometimes. Thats what you get for picking the worst restaurant name ever.

The world's oldest mum, who gave birth at the age of 66, says she wants another baby - You could not pay me to stick my one eyed pirate into a 66 year old Cave no matter what promises of treasure and booty you offer. Thats just gross.

Don't you hate it when someone in public says hi to you, say at a bar, but actually knows you by name..and the entire time you have to sit there trying to figure out who the hell it is? They ask you specific questions like, "How is (insert university you went to here or best friend from 10 yrs ago)?" and you want to ask them back but hell you dont know their name let alone what school they went to. Then theres the douches who say hi to you simply because they went to your high school, man I didn't talk to you then and this bar certainly doesn't have enough booze for me to start now. Happy monday everyone FLJDFLKJDFKDFJ

Friday, July 22, 2005

Music Mania

I don't have a lot of time to write and stuff today - too much to do. So I am going to leave some music suggestions for you all to check out

Chiodos - New album drops tuesday. Out of Flint, Michigan - its fun shit.

Boys Night Out - New album hits stores tuesday. Out of Canada. This new CD is absolutely incredible...I have bought everything they've written and this one will be no different.

Check those out NOW!

Thursday, July 21, 2005

Where's the Price Tag?

So all those car companies decided they were going to start selling cars at the same rate the employees get in order to increase sales.

Thusly, the television has been inundated with these commercials that show how big a savings you are getting....EXCEPT the Hummer...fuckin conspiracy

A few rants here n there

Is it ok that I cheered when I found this out? My sense of humanity and sympathy is thrown out the window in the venue of sports. Take a break have another stroke - Its Colts time baby.

I go through music faster than Britney went through her career and into parenthood. So I decided to give KROCK2 a test drive. KROCK2 is the internet station for WXRK in NYC. Death Cab for Cutie just came on. I hate seeing this musical world I put up around myself to escape from everyone else turn into something everyone else is partaking in. How the hell did Death Cab go from small time Barsuk Records recordings to KROCK2. Sucks but at least they will be around to make more music right?

Why cant the company give us a day off with pay rather than a lame picnic? Why would I want to go outside in the middle of the day and sweat like crazy just to come back to my cubicle? Are you serious?

When did teenagers all start looking alike? I see kids at the movies and what not and I wonder if they all go shopping together...PS - your hair looks stupid dyed black(well most of you)

So much for my not bitching post from yesterday...I hope everyone is ok in London

Islam should become the new milleniums lepracy..put all those gun toting freaks on an island together with some bombs...let them blow each other up. Hell, Gladiator was a cool movie im down for watching them take on the lions...I put $1 into the jar for the Islammoseum - donations greatly appreciated - together we can make dreams become reality


I was just wondering. If theres a bounty on your head, and you turn yourself in, can you claim the reward? Is there fine print on a wanted poster? Do you have a case against the government if they don't give you the reward? Can you imagine that prescedence setting case? I will post something of actual substance later but this sort of popped into my head.

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Memories in the Corner of my Ears.....

In my blogging adventures of late, I have noticed that a large portion of people's writing pertains to some sort of release or as people in the field of psychology call it, "bitching". I, myself, am also guilty of this observation but I am not here to discuss people's reasons or motives behind it. I just thought I would post something of a more positive nature. Partly because I have been inspired by Ruben to say something on the happier end of the spectrum.

How great does it feel when you put on an album that you havent listened to in a while. And when you put it on you rediscover how great that album is. While it doesn't need to be groundbreaking in the grand scheme of music, it just feels good to you. Whether it is the associations the album has with positive past experiences or just the aural qualities an album possesses. This is a great occurrence especially for me. I am a huge fan of music and my collection tends to get overwhelming at times and I forget some of the stuff I own or have on mp3. So I will randomly reinsert a CD I have not listened to in a while. This most recently occurred with a promotional copy of The Long Winters album I received to do an interview with John Roderick a while back. This album is just fantastic and vast. John doesn't care about genre or doing things right or wrong, just so long as he is writing songs, and they are good songs at that. So yeah, has this happened to you recently? Is there an album that you recently put on and remembered how fantastic it is? Maybe you put on a movie that did the same thing?

Worst band name you know of without googling it?

My tops are:

Toad the Wet Sprocket - wtf does this even mean

Cradle of Filth - Again I have no idea what a cradle of filth is, but once cradle is inserted I begin to think baby - Baby Filth, fuckin paedophiles

Dandy Warhols(god i hate that name) - This isnt clever - this is just a sad attempt at creativity.

PS. The lead singer of Coldplay is railing Gwyneth Paltrow regularly, makes music for a living, and is rich as hell - WTF is he so sad about? The only thing I can think of is the fact that he was stupid enough to agree to naming his kid Apple.

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

Blogger farts in MySpace's general direction

Well it seems as though theres a great reason not to use MySpace now...

Thank you Rupert Murdoch ! For those of you who do not know who that man is. He is like the Bill Gates of Television....because he craps Benjamins and runs Fox News. Not to be unfair or unbalanced in my decision - but I always liked this Murdock better.

Commence the Murdoch v Murdock battle!!! Dont let the giant machine gun in the 2nd picture aid in wavering your decision.

Thank you blogger

Dear Blogger,

I would like to take a moment to thank you for providing myself and others with a venue in which we can vent, share ideas, laugh, cry, all that kind of crap. With that out of the way I would also like to extend to you my middle finger. I do not know why you feel the need to delete half my post when I click the publish button, thusly turning the post that would be located where this awesome letter now resides ,into an entire hyperlinked paragraph. That was not only awesome but astounding and I applaud the feat you accomplished in taking my creative time spent writing, and ramming it in my ass. I understand my job sucks and every day I feel like I am trapped in Office Space without crazy Milton, but now I am one step closer to hugging my stapler and kicking your electronic ass.

If you would be so kind as to not screw up my posts and waste the words I spent time writing it would be greatly appreciated. If you have any other concerns please email them to me so I too can have the pleasure of deleting something you spent time writing you sorry bastard.

Love Always & Forever,

Amateur Standing

Monday, July 18, 2005

The Fun Money curve

Whilst working hard this morning I came up with a theory I ran past Shanks. I decided that the corporate pay scale function similarly to that of a supply demand curve. For those of you ignorant to economics I shall make this simple. The supply demand curve is used to determine the best price at which to sell something - The higher the supply the less demand, the higher the demand the less supply. Thus you achieve an equilibrium where the selling and demand can live happily holding hands and making babies.

Now comes my theory. Please take note that this theory does not include jobs that I personally consider non-existent due to self esteem and jealousy issues we all have with the rich and famous. Thusly, anything involving playing sports, making mainstream music, and movies is completely void of this theory. Much like software giant Microsoft scoffs at the supply demand curve. On with the show.

The more fun a job is the less money you get paid for it. For example, my buddy is interning at ESPN. Ok, hes not even doing anything involved with sports, sportscenter, wanna be sports shows like Cold Pizza, or even Poker(still not a sport - stop your driveling). He gets paid almost half what I do, which is sit bored on my ass all day reading blogs and checking sports websites. I do more sports stuff than he does. BUT he gets to say "Yes I worked at ESPN". Which means an increase in fun and decrease in funds. My job is at a giant corporate conglomerate which to this day I cannot truly explain what we do outside of publish a paper that is more conservative than Planned Parenthood and Less Conservative than that bowtie wearing ass on CNN, Tucker Carlson.

In conclusion - if you want a fun job I hope you dont want to get paid for it. If money is more important I got some labels you could print out and a few files that need put away.

Mega Ultra Uber Secret

I know I said I am not really into politics but this makes me laugh anyway. I wa sreading a column by John Dean on CNN and this excerpt can be found about halfway through

Rove may be able to claim that he did not know he was leaking "classified information" about a "covert agent," but there can be no question he understood that what he was leaking was "sensitive information." The very fact that Matt Cooper called it "double super-secret background" information suggests Rove knew of its sensitivity, if he did not know it was classified information (which by definition is sensitive).

Ok, "doube super secret background". Who the hell talks like that? Was he triple dog dared into leaking this information. Rove is involved in the upper echelons of the political world and he is going to play dumb now? At least Clinton tried to be slick. While Rove is hardly the president, and thank god for that, he still had to know what he was doing. Its amazing what these guys get away with.

On that note, whats the craziest thing you ever got away with? I will think about it and post mine as an update later.


Ok I have been thinking about this all morning. I never got away with anything CRAZY. I did get away with not writing a paper in college and due to my performance in the class the teacher could have sworn I turned it in and got a B on it. Rather than be honest I took the free grade. This was before I became studious and actually liked school. That isnt exactly crazy by any means. Oh well if I come up with something better I will post it - I dont think its that I dont do crazy/stupid things - its just that I get caught hah.

If Gay Marriage Was Ok for Cartoons


Friday, July 15, 2005

Holy Handicapped Judge Batman!

So for reasons I cannot explain, everyone is talking about Rehnquist, who not only has an obnoxious name to type out, but also has more health issues than a nursing home and quite possibly goes through as many bed pans. How is this man still left to serve? The guy can barely walk, has tubes running out of who knows where at this point, is anyone even sure that hes not ACTUALLY dead? Now that would make for an interesting white house press conference. They cant even handle questions about Rove, Id love to see an onslaught of questions pertaining to a robotic chief justice utilized simply to maintain conservative votes in the supreme court. Ok but I am not a politics man, this was just a quick rant.

My girlfriend and I have had this conversation about pet peeves pertaining to the people we are all blessed with observing day in and day out. As I think of more I will post them here assuming people even find it the tiniest bit humorous, although I expect people not to laugh so much as want the last minute of their life back. But I am selfish and will do as I please so read on my puppet of literacy.

The couples who walk with their hands in each other pockets needs to stop. Its like they are playing a sick twisted game of siamese twins just to see what it feels like were they attached at the armpits. Why is this so necessary? Can you not hold hands like a normal couple? There seems to be some overwhelming desire for booty grabbing whilst window shopping I suppose. These people are also the type to generally sneak into dressing rooms together or ask the clerk "Can we share a dressing room?" Nobody wants to clean up after that - thanks. I know this type of complaining seems stupid and pointless - and quite frankly it is. But I dont give a shit, these people look ridiculous. Not quite as ridiculous as the poor kid whos mom thinks he requires a leash to be functional in public, but ridiculous none the less. Walking with your significant other should consist of just that, walking, not a long term game of grabass. I get weird enough looks hugging someone I havent seen in a long time in public, just imagine if I jammed my hands down their back pocket.....

Thursday, July 14, 2005

Your Edumucation Makes you Lose Points

As I begin to write this I can assure you the title is meant to read as is, and thats how this post was born:

One day, in the midst of mass consumerism I walk into the typical "Holy Crap this CD is expensive here" store in the mall. I was expecting a barrage of Hilary Duff life sized cardboard cutouts next to the latest 50 cent album, but instead I got a young African American male(20s) making a sales pitch to younger African American males(teens). The item of interest you ask? Playas and Haters - a card game based off the widely successful Magic: The Gathering no doubt. His sales pitch basically went as follows:

Salesman: "So you walk into a club right and you be wearin a bandana right? So the girl be feelin you, knowhatimsayin? And in the game you get points for that knawhatimean?"

Kids: *blank stares and confusion*

My friend being the mature college student that I myself, as well as any of you that read this were I am sure, decided to purchase the game and see what possibly could be held within. This is when I realized how awful this game truly is. I thought Ghettopoly was bad, but this game actually has penalty cards for 1) knowing how to read(which you would have to be able to do to play the game) and 2) graduating High School. You also accumulate Hos, Hoodrats, and Rides. Not to mention guns and other such Bling. This game has zero value in a system where rap videos are already instilling great impressions on todays youth. So where do kids get to find role models these days?

Athletes Right?
How about the Redskins?
How about the Chiefs?
Oh I know - the TITANS right?

Well I am going to go read and lose some playa points then maybe get a DUI and hit a female - its what all the cool people are

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

Why Corporate America is Lame

Sure we've all had our awesome jobs which generally most of us had pre-career choice. However, I am not so sure its my boring as hell job that makes me shake my head at Corporate America, so much as it is the way things work. For example in the last 2 days of work I have done the following work related things:

Filed (yes 4 yrs of college = filing, I would like to extend a thanks to UConn for not only impacting my wallet but my ability to select from numerous career options)

Called the Help Desk for my boss because he wouldn't do it - 5 sec phone call? If your time is that precious you better be named Bill or Donald, or regrettably George.

Ordered PC equipment, for a secretary to TAKE HOME. Now when a secretary of equal position as myself cannot order her own freaking mouse.....sigh

So needless to say the way this freakin company works is ridiculous. I have to put newspapers on my bosses' desks in the morning because the 2 foot walk from their desk to where the papers are is grueling and time consuming - we wouldnt want them to come down with typhoid or cholera on the great trek to Oregon now would we?