Wednesday, August 31, 2005

Here a Rant, There a Rant, everywhere a rant rant

And away we go...

People need to not stick their nose in business that has nothing to do with them.

AIM profiles and away messages should no longer function on the level that the 10 commandments did(Do?). For christ sake females...calm down its just a profile its not an inner monologue.

Take the 2nd rant and think about how the 1st one got created..idiots

An institution of higher learning should really get their paperwork and all that straight. In a week I have switched jobs 3 times due to schedule issues, saying I have work study, oh no wait you dont have work study, and so on. PS when did the university send out a memo requesting teachers to invade my exit only hole? Jesus this relationship is totally getting abusive.

If you come in from the rain soaking wet, dont make some non-witty comment about how "OH ITS RAINING OUT THERE" no shit thats why I am carrying an umbrella and you are a wet pile of rags.

Sorry I havent been updating but school is just settling in and things should get more regular and by regular I mean like old people bowel movement with that what you will

Saturday, August 27, 2005

Theres no place like....

As the final semester begins I am thinking..FINALLY GET ME OUT OF HERE!!!

My friends who have graduated give me the "be happy you are still in school". Yeah but I am going to grad school and I do not want to be in this undergrad nightmare anymore. People are so lame and young its amazing. I mean I took time off before going and now I am 24 going on 25 by graduation. I cannot deal with the mentality sometimes.

Should I be sad or something?

I dont know I feel like I will miss the guys I have become good friends with. 2 people in particular have been great friends and are just quality people. You don't meet people like that all the time. Keeping in touch is rough though especially for me. I have no problem just picking up my shit and leaving.

My buddy from home says I get in "UConn Mode" and dont keep in touch with anyone from home and disappear for undisclosed amounts of time. This is pretty much true and part of that is because I never have a sense of home. I never created this concept of home ever. My parents are nuts and its always been an uncomfortable place for me to be around them.

When I graduate and have to sit home until grad school starts I fear I will feel more lost and not at home than ever before. What sucks is that the people there do care about me and are genuine friends and still I dont feel like its home...does this make me a dick or just honest?

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Say Cheese

Some of my photos are up

Go Check em out. I have to pack and stuff for school so my posts may be few and far between for a couple days. But I will get back into the swing of things I promise.

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

I'll tell you where you can stick it!

I come from a family which has its fair share of pretty crappy luck. My dad was laid off twice and it has financially stunned and beat the crap out of our family. It has often times made the life at home unbearable because the parents dont handle money issues like that too well, who can blame them? Today is my last day for the summer where I am working and people are being laid off.

This really bothers me a lot and I feel like I sit here day after day doing nothing(and I have spoken up about it) and yet these guys come in day after day and WORK. Yet I have people telling me they wish I was staying and these guys have to go home today ..without coming back. This makes me really angry. Imagine if you were in college and one day your advisor hands you an envelope and says, "we don't have the funds to keep enough staff around to teach every student, we have to let you go" I say this because most of my readers arent career types yet. Losing your job is majorly disappointing and difficult to handle.

I wish I had a positive post to put here today but my heart goes out to the families that are about to get a major shock today. I wish them all the best and hope they can make it through.

Monday, August 15, 2005

See ya on the reservation

I have never been a fan of talking on the phone. I am no good at it because I know as soon as I pick it up I would much rather be doing something else. Usually, I go ahead with my love of more interesting endeavors while attempting to talk on the phone. I can get away with half paying attention most of the time. But someone at MIT has set out to screw men all over the planet. Introducing, the Jerk-O-Meter.

This is more of a nightmare for guys than Dawson's Creek was for me when I was in high school. Man, EVERY girl wanted to watch that show and if you expected to make out at some point in the night guess whos ass was sitting through it. The only thing that kept you going was Katie Holmes, and we know where that has gone. Now, some jackass is ruining the phone for all. While it is not likely(at least if there is some form of god) that this will ever be picked up by cell phone companies, it is still a possibility. Dont even tell me I will have to start *gulp* paying attention!

The phone is the most awkward and annoying thing we have. It is great for text messages and in fact I would trade in my phone for one of those 2 ways in a second. I hate the phone and often times dont bring it out with me when I am going somewhere I do not want to be bothered. The Jerk-O-Meter makes it all the more likely that I would rather revert back to smoke signals. So slap a feather on my head and call me old fashioned, but at least you wont be calling me a jerk.

Sunday, August 14, 2005

Sports..I take them seriously

After having a discussion with the woman this weekend. I have decided that this argument needs to be settled across a much larger audience. There is a fine line between a sports movie and a movie that passes itself off as a sports movie. Thusly, I feel criteria needs to be built in order to prove to said woman that I am in fact correct and her logic is flawed.

A sports movie must have the main focus of the movie be on sports. There of course CAN be sub plots like a sitcom. Plot A = Sports Plot B = the star quarterbacks struggle with becoming old and unable to perform, for an example.

If Plot A = stupid romance blooming between people who happen to be dressed as sports players? Not a sports movie - See Wimbledon.

Therefore I feel I will basically list some acceptables and some non-acceptables

Sports Movies:
Any Given Sunday
The Natural

Not Sports Movies:
Summer Catch
Fever Pitch

There is no arguing this I dont feel. If you would like to offer suggestions as to other criteria I leave the forum open. Commence debate!

Friday, August 12, 2005

Deeeeez nuts tagged my ass

So I got Tagged/Memed/whatever todays hip word is by Dzer aka DEEEEEEZ nuts:

List 5 Idiosyncraccisciseiteies (Screw you thats how its spelled)

1-I have major issues sometimes with symmetry. Not like Rainman issues. But issues. For example I had a tattoo of an angel on my right calf muscle so I had to get another angel on my left one cause it was too off balance.

2-I am completely obsessed with fixing mine and others typos in instant messaging programs. I also get quite peeved with myself when I feel like I am sporting the typing skills of Corky on a sugar rush with a blindfold and mittens on.

3-If there is hair in the bathtub at all even if it is mine…I refuse to touch the shit. I aim the shower thing at it until it goes down the drain. If I don’t notice it until im already in the shower I will dance around the fucker while it goes down the drain kind of like a drunk tango without a partner and of course the naked thing.

4-If something comes up in conversation that I think I should know I am automatically overwhelmed with the fact that I am a bastard for not knowing and will do whatever I can to seek out said information I should have known in the first place. Like if you ask me what Keats’ first poem is, which see I don’t know I will now have to go look it up……. Keats's first book, Poems, was published in 1817. It was about this time Keats started to use his letters as the vehicle of his thoughts of poetry. "Endymion", Keats's first long poem appeared, when he was 21. GOD BLESS YOU GOOGLE!!!

5-I will do anything I can to avoid being within feet(other acceptible measurements are inches and miles) of a bee. This includes but is not limited to: Screaming like a 4 yr old girl whos brother popped her Barbie doll’s head off(WHAT she was a dumb blonde and I had nothing to do with it). Run like I am competing against a Kenyan in some sort of Olympic event, and flooring the gas pedal so I can get the car to a safe place to take part in either the first or second thing I just listed.

I choose to tag up Shane, RM, Theresa, and uh thats about it that reads this blog and hasnt already been tagged by Deeeeeeeeez nuts

Taste of Escape Mailbag

This week I will do the 3 things I actually received. I will have to do this biweekly I think in the future. In order to attain enough emails. I thought people would actually email me - but since my reader base is 3 people or so I guess that explains THAT - SO on we go..T.O.E. Mailbag

"What makes the fish gefilte*? - E

Is it me or does this sound like something stolen straight out of one of those awful office emails that was sent to 33 people, none of which so much as chuckled except for Lydia the overweight secretary with the stuffed cow on her desk and 50 pictures of her grandkids. At any rate Miss Clever, the answer is simple. Gefilte is derived from the german word for stuffed. No I do not know what the German word for stuffed is but thats where it comes from so you are forced to believe me. "But oh Wise Amateur, Gefilte Fish isnt stuffed, you are just a wise ass". No, I am well aware it isnt stuffed it is actually fish sludge wrapped in Matzoh. Thats right sludge, who wants lunch?
*notice change of spelling

The next one I received was not quite in question form and it looked like this:

Talk about dating and sex - T

Dating is only truly spectacular for the Stevie Wonders and Ray Char...well Just the Stevies now I guess. I mean have you seen the girls down at the Y lately...yuck.

Sex is a way to make the men feel superior in an otherwise female ruled exchange between sexes. If we males didnt get to rail the female now and again, what power would we really have. Oh crap I gotta go take out the trash before the girl gets home.

Is it ever a good idea to call your wife a "stank bitch"? - S

S, this is a fantastic question. I thought about this long and hard and have come to the following conclusions:

1: If you are married it is pretty much understood that sex is a rarity. Especially once kids enter the picture. Therefore, if you aren't having full out sex at least three times a week, one stank bitch comment is allowed. If (se)x>=3 then s(tank bitch)=0 If se(x)<3 then s(tank bitch)=1. Use this ratio responsibly. Thusly if you go 2 weeks with x < 6 break out 2 s's

2: For the less mathematically inclined and more philosophical. The word good is key here. Is it ever a good idea to call your wife a name? Probably not because x will definitely equal < 3. What you do instead, without telling her of course, is make up pet names that have exquisite definitions you attribute to them. Like "Poopsy Bear" = shithead and "You little sex mongrel you" = stankbitch. Then you can call her that all you want and get your frustration out in your neighbors hot tub if you know what I mean.

I would have loved to extend this further and hopefully I was able to help a couple of you find true knowledge. I will do this again in 2 weeks so please continue to write in and tell others to as well. You can reach T.O.E. mailbag at

Thursday, August 11, 2005

Thirsty Thursday Cocktail O The Day (with a twist)

Inverted Pyramid Martini


1-1/4 oz Absolut Citron 1-1/4 oz Absolut Kurant 1 splash Grand Marnier Mixing


Shake all ingredients together in a cocktail shaker. Strain into a chilled Martini glass and garnish with a orange twist.

Besides the orange twist at the end I would like to make a request. I want to do a mailbag on Fridays. So start sending me emails. You can send me multiple emails if you would like and I will use them on different fridays. HOPEFULLY I can get some people to do this. EMAIL ME HERE on anything regarding, Pop culture, sports, dating, whatever. I will pick some and answer them tomorrow and every friday.

Turn up the volume

Take a music bath once or twice a week for a few seasons, and you will find that it is to the soul what the water-bath is to the body - Oliver Wendell Holmes

The power of music to me has always been fascinating. My friends all know that it is a huge part of my life and I often catch them laugh to themselves when they get into a conversation about it with me. I tend to research a lot on my own and used to write reviews, do interviews, etc. What I never did get to write is why I would even bother doing it for free.

Everyone assumed I got paid for my articles. I didn't want to write about it for money. I wanted to do it because of the experience, the bands I got to meet(some heros of mine, some zeros) and just the sheer pleasure of contributing something to the scene that gave me so much.

Music has always been part of this social discourse for me that a lot of people never get fully immersed in. By immersed I do not mean the kids who walk around looking like carbon copies of their favorite band either. I just mean fully involved in what bands are trying to do from album to album and whatever music is pushing the envelope, but not too far. The greatest power music has is the ability to bring a massive audience together, under one roof, with very little conflict. The people who do cause things are often inebriated to a rather high degree, but often not even they can ruin the experience. My friend got yaked on once and he didnt even care so long as the music kept going. This is the power I am talking about.

Nothing else even comes close. How is it that we cant seem to replicate this type of human understanding outside of this setting? Is it the psychological effects of the music, or is it simply that most people dont even take the time to see this is happening when they are at a show? Whatever it is, I know for certain that I will never fully grasp this idea but will always embrace it.

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

With all the anti-male / anti-female posts I thought I would add a little comfort for both sides:

Baby, You Wouldn't Last A Minute On The Creek"

Let's just stop,drop everything,(forget each other's names) forget each other's names,And just walk away. Turn around and head in different directions,Like we never, it's like we never knew each other at all.We said what we feel, then we stop ourselves, And just walk away.Never looking back, Loving every second of it, we just walk away. This is probably the best, not to mention the worst idea, that I have ever had.Ignoring what we've loved, Overlooking what we've done, No awkward silences, no hiding any truthsWhat do you say?We say what we feel, Then we stop ourselves, And just walk away.Never looking back, Loving every second of it, We just walk away.Let's just stop,Drop everything,Forget each other's names,Can we please just walk away?It could be...could be...Like we never knew each other at all.Answer me!All egos aside, what do you say?

Thats a great song for couples breaking up to ponder


The same band also bitterly puts it this way for the more violent and angry of you

Now open up wide, fist first down your throat
Where no beauty lies, and rip out what should've been mine

Does...not...compute aka My Compute r sucks

My computer at home is finally up and working again. Technology seems to hate me to a most ridiculous degree. If technology were a race, Id start the governmentally funded NAATHP. National Association for the Advancement of Technologically Hated Peoples.

I can use video game consoles, dvd players, vcrs, and all that shit with no problem. But once my finger touches my keyboard at home? My pc starts to mind fahk me. It likes to make me feel retarded. This is the point where I give my computer to SDogg who Harry Potters the crap out of it and suddenly it works again. I don’t know how that kid does what he does but someone oughta get the kid a broom and a wand. I believe the title of his book would be SDogg Potter and the Bagina of Destruction(inside joke of his don’t ask)

When did it get to the point where computers are so ridiculous to fix? I work at school fixing computers around one of the academic buildings. Our department gets so many awful phone calls for the students’ laptops that we have resulted in formatting just about every hard drive that comes in because its easier. File this rant under the same one as my printer rant…We need to achieve some sort of universal computer care system or something..Forget the old people and their medicare I need compucare dammit.

With that being said my life of video games and counter-strike filled evenings can commence once more thanks to SDogg curing my glorified paperweight of all its ailings.

Tuesday, August 09, 2005


Sorry to everyone who lost their comments on here. I added Haloscan to my comments section because I feel it is better protected against spam and other such nonsense....*Cough* hopefully *Cough*

This Congress is now in session...

Lets pass some laws guys. Elle, you oughta have fun with this in that, dorky, but not dice rolling dorky, kind of way. The following are things that I think should be passed as laws:

1) Government spending should be allocated to the R & D of a kid tranquilizer dart. These darts are to be used only on kids and in public places. I don't mean rifle firing tranqs either. I mean simple painless tranquilizers. So if mom and dad go to the mall and their kid is running around screaming or pulling things off the shelf they can snag em, tranq em, and 1...2...3 peace. These tranqs need to be proven to have no lasting side effects or cause permanent damage, I do not believe in harming todays youth in that matter.

2) There needs to be a law that a family sits down with a "Family Lawyer" when a child reaches the age of 18. It is to set a precedence that the family members(ok just the parents let be honest) cannot start an argument, be loud, or be disruptive before a certain hour of the morning. This means no bitching about the job you arent even at yet before you leave the house so that your son can hear you through the wall thus showing no consideration for the fact that his train was delayed last night making him return home extremely late and resulting him being grumpy and tired. This is all hypothetical. Failure to agree on a time defaults to noon and penalty of breaking the law results in you doing your kids laundry and cleaning his room for a minimum of 6 months to 12 months first offense.

3) Any kind of device that is used to address the public or at least large groups must from now on be audible. This includes but is not limited to, stadium announcers, train engineers/conductors, workplace annoucements, high school announcements(man those were a waste), etc.. This means that pressing the button so that an entire subway hears *SCREEETTCCHHHHH CRACKLE CRACKLE* is not acceptible unless for some reason you needed to say those exact sounds.

4) Old people, asian people, and indian people must have a driving test given to them once every 3 yrs. This is to maintain safety on the road. I just care about everyone so much that I wouldnt want to see anything happen to them(stop laughing jerk).

5) The International Law of Tastey Pizza - Pizza is a fantastic food which is regaled for its amazing ability to satisfy everyone on the planet at some point or another. Outside of frozen pizza(because I wouldnt suggest anything other than French Bread if you go this route) there needs to be a "German Purity Law" of Pizza. Theres a law in Germany stating what ingredients are suitable for beer. This means Rolling Rock, natural ice, Piels, and Pabst amongst others would never be made in Germany. I say the United States Pizza Purity Law needs to be drafted. This would allow consumers to have worry free dialing of pizzerias, knowing they will get quality no matter what place they call, its been nice knowing you Dominoes and Papa Johns.

These are it for now, I am running on barely any sleep and I am grumpy. The hypothetical train that got hypothetically stopped for hypothetically allowing the tracks, which were smeared with human blood from the hypothetical idiot who got slaughtered by one earlier, to be cleaned *Takes breath* would have, if this had happened to me, caused me extreme amounts of sleepiness and I apologize for lack of wit, smiles, and intelligence on this fine tuesday.

Monday, August 08, 2005

Begin Sappy Transmission

Be prepared for some sappy inner workings of Amateur after this disclaimer. If you do not wish to read of such things, feel free to scroll down to Thursdays' Cocktail o The Day and get wasted and move on:

So things are finally starting to fall into place with the woman. After a couple summers of poor communication on both our parts and never settling in on any one decision, we have finally made major steps towards actually making something of all this time we have both put in. It has been a rather amazing summer because of her and neither one of us is positive what the future holds in specifics, but I am not so sure that worries us either. I think its more or less that we just want the other one around and thats far more comforting than I would have thought possible for me. And for those of you who truly know about my attitude about dating, you understand that this doesnt seem like me at all. Alas, thats the way things are now and I am more than ok with that.

This weekend a lot happened in relationship land and it has made the two of us really start to think about things, but its all been positive. There are still a couple weeks left before we both go back to school and I am confident they will be well spent.


So how was everyone's weekend? I hope you all enjoyed the nice weather, the pictures I took over the weekend came out good for the most part and I should have some up on Flickr shortly with a photoblog to come next semester.

Friday, August 05, 2005

You know what would be great.....?

1-If my ears would stop fucking ringing..I am pretty sure they are permanently damaged, they ring really badly whenever I am near anything loud anymore - I am turning 70 but my license says I will be 25...weird

2-If these "massaging gel insoles" actually massaged rather than globbed my foot left and right like I am one of those kids who needs crutches that attach to my arms to walk. People are going to think my spine is all fucked up cause my foot keeps sliding back and forth

3-If my mom stopped listening to country - for the love of fucking god 7:30 am is WAY too early for thinkin tractors are sexy and Shania Twain sing alongs.

4-If bosses at work were as easily convinced as High School teachers to do what you want. You all remember the push over teacher who would take you outside cause the entire class gave em shit until they caved..Bosses should be the same way, the conversation with mine would go like this...

Me: "Come on its 9 am and friday we could be out playing golf, or better yet sleeping.."
Dickhead: "Yeah I hear ya, I need those labels by noon is that ok?"
Me: "No I dont think you understand, please just let us all go come on now its so nice out...COME ON ALREADY ITS NICE WHAT MORE DO U WANT??"
Dickhead: "ok ok we'll end work early"

Ah if only it were a perfect world...

Thursday, August 04, 2005

Say Bye to Peter

Whoever said guys aren't morons, is full of crap. Did anyone ever say that? Probably some chauvenistic jackass but MAN did that guy have some balls. Now he just doesnt have the important part.

Thats ridiculous, when are guys going to learn that a little respect goes a long way. Sure girls are idiots, bitches, and just plain obnoxious. But if that douche who got his wang whacked is what the male species has to offer the world, I am quite disappointed.

Now on to a rant:

This society we live in today is technologically advanced beyond belief. Talk to your grandparents and other Depends wearing, arthritis cream using, old folks and you will see what I mean. They remember the days of only black & white tvs and when computers took up entire rooms. However, one thing has eluded technology and science. Maybe its time you two got together and came up with the following amazing invention:


Printers are the most fascinating technological invention on the planet. Sure they work out of the box. And then one weird thing starts to happen after another. Sometimes the fucker takes 4 pages at a time, maybe 2. Its like a guessing game. So you start to feed it one sheet at a time "I am smarter than you, you bastard printer". Yeah well your inner monologue is not more powerful than faulty electronics, and alas the printer jams. Now youve got an 8 1/2 x 11 nightmare clogging your printer. I see people here at work disassembling the sides looking for the long lost hidden sheet of paper that managed to wedge itself incorrectly rather than feed properly.

BUILD A PRINTER THAT FUNCTIONS!! There are medications helping sick children and people(thats right children arent people dont EVEN argue this with me). We can go to space and waste billions taking photographs of stupid stars. But we can't build a printer that wont jam or shit out on you. This is just amazing to me...someone get on it because Im far too busy making my Slim Fast Beer prototype and with the millions I make I wont need a printer.

Thirst Thursday Cocktail O The Day

Rosy Dawn(stolen from online somewhere)

5 red grapes
3⁄4 ounce fresh lemon juice
3⁄4 ounce simple syrup (see note)
1 ounce Tanqueray No. 10 gin
1⁄2 ounce Bacardi Limón
1⁄2 ounce Brizard apricot liqueur

Mixing Instructions
Put the grapes in a mixing glass, muddle, and tip into the bottom of a daiquiri glass. Put the remaining ingredients in a mixing glass, add ice, and shake well. Strain into the daiquiri glass, and top with a few ice cubes.

Simple Syrup = 1 cup sugar 1 cup water boiled together quickly in a saucepan

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

Country Song or Racehorse?

Since the post about things that suck may not have things you feel you want to speak out on - Its time for a game. Are the following Country Songs or Race Horse names: If you want the answer sheet let me know

Whiskey River
What Dreams May Come True
Dixie Land Delight
Cowboys First Choice
Dust On The Bottle
Whiskey Lullaby
Cut the Cuteness
Sweet Rum Can Do
The Best Man

Pop Trash Movie

Things that suck:

When people anuniciate the letter 'S' and it is a high pitched SSsssss sound even if they dont hold it

Bees - fuck em, I will become the first professional pollenator just get rid of the bastards

Mr. Clean - Please, with the amount of aggression this guy has towards cleaning, you know hes friends with those raging idiots on Bravo...yes you know the ones

The bands today that rip off 80s New Wave and somehow get drooled over like they came up with something totally new and creative, Way to give Duran Duran fans a reason to live..

Duran Duran fans

Any sort of container that not only comes with a protective seal around the lid of the damn thing but then when you go to use the contents inside you find that they have a stupid foil thing over the top too - especially spices because you have to get that clear plastic piece off first..I shouldnt need weapons to open a jar of Sage.

Crappy movies - and I dont mean the kind that are so awful, college kids around the country unite in some muggy dorm room armed with Milwaukees Best to laugh at the horrendous movie before them (See also: Patrick Swayze, Kurt Russel) but the kind that just make you want to hunt down the person who made it and beat the shit out of them (See also: Son of the Mask, You Got Served)

That's enough cheer for one morning - WELCOME TO HUMP DAY BOYS AND GIRLS!

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

Suck on This...

I remember when I was out of the elementary school era of my life and into the ever so fun and joyful awkward middle school years(NOBODY misses those..I hope), the ice cream truck no longer was a facet simply for delicious frozen treats. It contained oh so much more. Sure Big League Chew was always on the menu for jittery youngsters everywhere hoping to look like Lenny Dykstra with a giant wad of shredded gum in their cheek, loving all 3 secs of flavor that it had. But kids in my neighborhood had much bigger motives, much bigger fish to fry if you will. We wanted to push the envelope of candy and challenge our will power..

Enter Warheads and Tear Jerkers.. Holy crap did these fascinate the mind. Candy that were not only of the cheap variety, but of the death defying, "Holy shit did you see how many of those Jimmy put in his mouth!" variety as well. These things were not just candy, they were a rite of passage into manhood. The jews had Bar Mitzvahs, we had Warheads. Why the hell did any of us think that putting something that is so sour the inside of your mouth would instantly pucker up like your ass at the site of a Natural Ice beer can was AT ALL a good idea? Regardless day after day we would run with dimes in hand and load up on these bastards. Good times..Does anyone know if kids have moved on to something more torturous, has society evolved and kids realize how freaking dumb it is to eat these?

Keep your hands inside the ride at all times

Ive always been one to be entirely involved in the present. This avoids any actual contact or consideration for the future. Ive learned this allows you to appreciate what is going on presently without wasting precious time wondering where things are headed or as Heidegger says, possibilities. It is now that I realize there really is no avoiding the heidegerrian concept I learned about last semester. Our being is always comporting itself to time..we are constantly moving towards something. For me, I thought it would just be whatever I was doing that day or the upcoming weekend. But for the first time since, High School ::shudder:: I HAVE to concern myself with what is to come and due to my incredible ability to ignore it up until now, I have no idea how to handle this at all.

I have to take the GRE still and then apply to grad school. I am trying to pick some schools way far out of my reach where teachers have offered to assist in getting me into the program hopefully, and also schools that if I dont get into I must be a member of the Down Syndrome Kids of America because they are so easy. It is still frustrating as hell having to deal with that whole concept of "where am I going to go?" shit again. I hated it in 12th grade when I didnt even want to go to school and now I have to do it again.

Why is the future so much more frustrating than the present? I understand the whole wandering into the unknown and to a certain degree, a lack of control..but I dont think thats it, I think its more of a doubt issue that will morph into confidence once I pick a school..this is gonna be a bumpy ride

Monday, August 01, 2005

Recycling is for the Uncreative

Before all you environmentally charged hippies come knocking at my door. I do not mean recycling of waste products but more along the lines of recycling jokes. For example the following things keep showing up...

1) 80s metal/shit rock Band jokes. I stick to jokes about Viking metal bands because that is far funnier than being inundated with jokes about Journey and Def Leppard. It is getting ridiculous, we all know they sucked and its hilarious to hear their stuff because we can recall how incredibly awful they are...wonderful

2) Celebrity Lists - These come in all forms, those that say Worst Dressed(with witty commentary to coincide), perhaps Biggest Douchebag Celebrities. This is what magazines do at the end of the year when there is nothing new to talk about. They create awful lists. Just look at Spin's latest vomit inducing rant about worst bands ever..the Doors made the list, tell me that isnt a PA stunt to get mentioned. See it worked on me..

3) Emo Jokes - now some of you know I listen to a lot of this stuff and I agree with most of the jokes. The scene is retarded and a lot of the bands are pathetic in different ways. However, making jokes about the kids is getting older than the themes these bands sing about. Why do you care so much?

4) The anecdotal dating story - These usually aren't funny. Just because you laugh at something shitty that happened to you doesn't mean we are supposed to laugh as well. Your life sucks, so be it. I do not think its hilarious that you screwed some girls best friend because she cheated on you first, we all know you went home and cried into one of those Pillow People(theres the link for the pop culturally challenged)

That should be it for now. Make up something on your own. Be funny and creative in your own way - This is why shows like Stella comedy are great and shows like According To Jim are steaming piles of Journey jokes.

Caddyshack Impersonation

I have to play gopher for a little bit at work so until I post heres something to make all of you laugh, or laugh and cringe simultaneously

Respect yo Mama
and respect to you too if you get through the whole video