Tuesday, August 02, 2005

Suck on This...

I remember when I was out of the elementary school era of my life and into the ever so fun and joyful awkward middle school years(NOBODY misses those..I hope), the ice cream truck no longer was a facet simply for delicious frozen treats. It contained oh so much more. Sure Big League Chew was always on the menu for jittery youngsters everywhere hoping to look like Lenny Dykstra with a giant wad of shredded gum in their cheek, loving all 3 secs of flavor that it had. But kids in my neighborhood had much bigger motives, much bigger fish to fry if you will. We wanted to push the envelope of candy and challenge our will power..

Enter Warheads and Tear Jerkers.. Holy crap did these fascinate the mind. Candy that were not only of the cheap variety, but of the death defying, "Holy shit did you see how many of those Jimmy put in his mouth!" variety as well. These things were not just candy, they were a rite of passage into manhood. The jews had Bar Mitzvahs, we had Warheads. Why the hell did any of us think that putting something that is so sour the inside of your mouth would instantly pucker up like your ass at the site of a Natural Ice beer can was AT ALL a good idea? Regardless day after day we would run with dimes in hand and load up on these bastards. Good times..Does anyone know if kids have moved on to something more torturous, has society evolved and kids realize how freaking dumb it is to eat these?