Friday, August 12, 2005

Taste of Escape Mailbag

This week I will do the 3 things I actually received. I will have to do this biweekly I think in the future. In order to attain enough emails. I thought people would actually email me - but since my reader base is 3 people or so I guess that explains THAT - SO on we go..T.O.E. Mailbag

"What makes the fish gefilte*? - E

Is it me or does this sound like something stolen straight out of one of those awful office emails that was sent to 33 people, none of which so much as chuckled except for Lydia the overweight secretary with the stuffed cow on her desk and 50 pictures of her grandkids. At any rate Miss Clever, the answer is simple. Gefilte is derived from the german word for stuffed. No I do not know what the German word for stuffed is but thats where it comes from so you are forced to believe me. "But oh Wise Amateur, Gefilte Fish isnt stuffed, you are just a wise ass". No, I am well aware it isnt stuffed it is actually fish sludge wrapped in Matzoh. Thats right ...fish sludge, who wants lunch?
*notice change of spelling

The next one I received was not quite in question form and it looked like this:

Talk about dating and sex - T

Dating is only truly spectacular for the Stevie Wonders and Ray Char...well Just the Stevies now I guess. I mean have you seen the girls down at the Y lately...yuck.

Sex is a way to make the men feel superior in an otherwise female ruled exchange between sexes. If we males didnt get to rail the female now and again, what power would we really have. Oh crap I gotta go take out the trash before the girl gets home.

Is it ever a good idea to call your wife a "stank bitch"? - S

S, this is a fantastic question. I thought about this long and hard and have come to the following conclusions:

1: If you are married it is pretty much understood that sex is a rarity. Especially once kids enter the picture. Therefore, if you aren't having full out sex at least three times a week, one stank bitch comment is allowed. If (se)x>=3 then s(tank bitch)=0 If se(x)<3 then s(tank bitch)=1. Use this ratio responsibly. Thusly if you go 2 weeks with x < 6 break out 2 s's

2: For the less mathematically inclined and more philosophical. The word good is key here. Is it ever a good idea to call your wife a name? Probably not because x will definitely equal < 3. What you do instead, without telling her of course, is make up pet names that have exquisite definitions you attribute to them. Like "Poopsy Bear" = shithead and "You little sex mongrel you" = stankbitch. Then you can call her that all you want and get your frustration out in your neighbors hot tub if you know what I mean.

I would have loved to extend this further and hopefully I was able to help a couple of you find true knowledge. I will do this again in 2 weeks so please continue to write in and tell others to as well. You can reach T.O.E. mailbag at mailto:abstractfellow@hotmail.com